I miss him. :). I cant do anything about it. It sucks when you feel like you want something and you cant get it and you cant do anything about it. Generally speaking. This should be rare, special situations. But normally if a person wants something they can always do something about it to get it. In this case, move ooooon! Haha. I have, but I cant help it, sometimes I get really sad and i feel my chest (where my heart is lol) making a strange emotion. wait let me rephrase, I feel a strange emotion in my chest area. it could be the ciggs im smoking though :,).
We talked about everything except the space between us. -Kevin Barry. (Random quote I felt connected to. Shut up Sumaya)
I honestly think im a really cool person. This is a weird post but its my blog and i can be as weird as I want and write whatever bullshit i want to write. doesnt matter.
I feel like recently I talk alot. About random things. Its like im trying to make it all about me which sucks. It really does. and i think this happens uncosciously. It could make people not want to hang out with me :/. Especially if its a person that I met not long ago. Potential friends etc. I could be having a convo. with someone and Id be the only one talking for a long time and its boring.
Yesterday I went to a place called Merdekarya. This place is AWESOMENESS. honestly, my kind o place. the entire setting, to how hidden it was (you literally have to access the entrance through a wooden door in a narrow tiny alley on the back. Everything in there was either made by the owners, picked up from the street or IKEA. No entrance fee, just buy a drank! very chill and hidden.
We enter and theres a bunch of people seated listening to a band playing. The place was not very big so you feel the music surrounding you. We sat in a couch by the clearly hand-made stage were the band was playing. so much emotions. I love the place because they support freedom of speech and opinions. Artists that gig there sing about anything and everything they would like no boundaries. The walls were filled with art and a curtain separates the main place where the stage is and another living room kind of thing. they have a few couched there and a library where they sell mainly local authors books and Musicians c.d's. We went there for a quick smoke, I used the toilet and we went back. This time the couch was occupied so we sat on the floor by the stage. another 2 bands performed then we finally left.
I think id go there again for sure! its almost like a place where one could hang out in during the week. maybe once or twice. something like that. Good vibes, wonderful energy. Excellent Merdekarya. Where were you my entire life! XP
Went home briefly then took a walk to explore a park nearby my new place. It was beautiful but i was a bit high and conused for some reason. We ended up sitting at a bench and when I looked around there was a toilet infront of us. we looked suspicious or then again maybe i was just high.
Im trying to be more productive so I contacted a photographer slash muay thai intsructor slash life and spirituality teacher? kind of thing, and asked if i could help around. I think we might just end up hanging out once or twice and chatting about life and what not, thats it. although id like to learn a thing or two. Anything. Seriously. Teach me!!!
I have a lot of love to give, and so i think i should teach for some time or volunteer. Work with kids. Lets try?
"Passion is the bridge that takes you from pain to change"- Frida Khalo.
I was just going through my facebook feed and I saw the above quote. Its perfect :). I have alot of passion, just need to find the right thing for me! ;D
So anyway, Im done with myrant for today :I feel better :). Bye
If you want to be happy, be -Leo Tolstoy
Sunday, 21 June 2015
Friday, 19 June 2015
Happy moments recently
I just moved from my place a little under a week ago. Noticing im feeling happier and I cant point my finger on exactly what it is thats been making me feel strangely happier or why.
The other day i caught myself smiling..for no reason whatsoever. Just smiling. And i wasnt exactly in a situation that would normally make a person smile. I was stuck at my friends lobby gate, couldnt get inside because i dont own an access card to her condo. and so I just had to wait there until someone is leaving or coming inside the building and only then id be able to get in. Why were you smiling Sumaya! Cheeky little monkey. But hey all good. I was shortly afterwards beeped in, and I swear the person must have thought im weird. Just standing there smiling haha.
I am grateful for whatever, whichever, however it is. Atleast i try to be that way but every one experiences ups and downs and thats just how it is and i have my moments I wont lie!
I dont usually socialise much (or thats how its been before) and i must say especially not much with girls as i normally have a group of handpicked people in general that id hang out with and im satisfied. Recent college years (thats how we rolled)
This has not been the case lately, and im loving it! I went out yesterday with a bunch of girls that i know only one of well. We go way back to primary and havent had the chance or time before to hang out much. So anyway I enjoyed everyones company and it was a blast. Proud of myself, I am really trying over here XP. Nahh not really, just trying to have some fun and enjoy myself with good company :)
Keeping this post short..till the next one!
The other day i caught myself smiling..for no reason whatsoever. Just smiling. And i wasnt exactly in a situation that would normally make a person smile. I was stuck at my friends lobby gate, couldnt get inside because i dont own an access card to her condo. and so I just had to wait there until someone is leaving or coming inside the building and only then id be able to get in. Why were you smiling Sumaya! Cheeky little monkey. But hey all good. I was shortly afterwards beeped in, and I swear the person must have thought im weird. Just standing there smiling haha.
I am grateful for whatever, whichever, however it is. Atleast i try to be that way but every one experiences ups and downs and thats just how it is and i have my moments I wont lie!
I dont usually socialise much (or thats how its been before) and i must say especially not much with girls as i normally have a group of handpicked people in general that id hang out with and im satisfied. Recent college years (thats how we rolled)
This has not been the case lately, and im loving it! I went out yesterday with a bunch of girls that i know only one of well. We go way back to primary and havent had the chance or time before to hang out much. So anyway I enjoyed everyones company and it was a blast. Proud of myself, I am really trying over here XP. Nahh not really, just trying to have some fun and enjoy myself with good company :)
Keeping this post short..till the next one!
Tuesday, 16 June 2015
Lao
Let me say, I've been meaning to post this for some time now..I have a lot going on :) Not a bad thing but i should make more time for my blog. I would love to document more things here and hats exactly what ill make as a mission.
Lao was a good experience. I've lived in KL for 5 years alone but I've never really traveled to another country completely alone. I always either travel with people or meet people there. I know this might be a bit lame since its something not unusual but it was new to me!!!
I arrive at the airport, I feel relieved. Finally I made it. So now I find that I have to get the visa which of course i already knew about but somehow it slipped my mind that id have to pay for it. Thankfully i had some 100 dollars on me otherwise i don't really know what would have happened. All my cash was in my bank account. would they have accepted a master card? XD haha.
It was 30$ for me, I pass through and find my luggage ready. There was this musician i was eyeing. Cute! Anything walking around with an instrument i would most probably find attractive.
I get outside, I managed to book a hostel during my long layover in transit and wrote down the address, so i thought for a minute that i could just walk and ask around and hopefully find the place, but then i was sort of tired from the long trip and figured id just get a cab.
On the way i manage to have a short chat with the driver, I ask about places to visit in Vientiane and gathered there wasn't much but anyway i already knew. The drive was less than 15 mins, Its a very small place.
I reach the hostel, its not all that but i wasn't expecting much anyway. people were very nice. The owner recognized me, as in they were expecting me and i checked in. I was a little bit worried since this would have been the first time i stay in a mixed hostel and so my original plan was to stay for a day or so then see how it goes.
I put my stuff and i get more concerned because i don't see any girls so i go to the front desk and ask if there are any ladies coming and he laughs for a while then assures me some Koreans will be coming.
Most of the time i spent sitting outside. they had a table with a few chairs around. not much of a view. there was a building being constructed right across and i found it very fascinating that the workers there would play really loud music through speakers while they would work. Never seen this anywhere before and i enjoyed it XD.
I would take the hostel owners guitar and just sit out there strumming. I don't know how to play but there was a day i felt a bit stressed out and i felt much better afterwards. I strum and its beautiful to my ears. It is a wonderful thing. to make music with your own hands. And so I feel that if I own a guitar and i get a chance to learn, I would have the ability to play with so much passion.
Usually sitting outside was also a chance to meet and socialize with people. There were a lot of Koreans and I met about three that would sit outside sometimes and we would chat. Usually we ask questions like were are you from and what are you doing here. half an hour later or so I would find myself promoting the movie "The interview". I've seen it not long ago after all the talk on it died a bit and i found it very entertaining.
I loved the Laotian women traditional wear. It was like a wrap around skirt and i thought it was beautiful. Usually held by a metallic belt (which i thought was an addition, as a trend or so). My observation of Vientiane, is that it gave me the impression that people there were mainly sort of traditional and reserved but as i went out more I noticed maybe not so much but perhaps to some extent they are.
My first day there I met a German guy who introduced me to two Brazilian girls and a Ukrainian guy that were travelling together from India. We also hung out with two German girls and an Australian guy that were travelling together but those people were doing their own thing so we were just together that night for dinner and some drinks and afterwards we went to a pub were we played some board game (the one with mini football players and a ball). I thought it would be boring but man i had so much fun!
I wanted to go to the Buddha park and the Brazilian girls and the Ukrainian guy said they were going and asked me to join so I agreed but turned out they were cycling there and i don't know how to cycle (Face palm!) so I ended up taking the bus. It wasn't that bad, I met a Finnish girl and there was an explosion of clicking! we just bonded right away and it was awesome. We went for dinner afterwards and had a few bears and caught the night market right before it closed. She asked if i wanted to meet up for breakfast or lunch the following day but I was unfortunately leaving early in the morning. Very nice girl although i was the one who initiated the convo. in the start by asking her to take a picture and sending them to me since my phone was dead (proud of myself though). Being more social. All good XD.
I didn't have enough time in Lao. If i did i would have visited more cities but nonetheless, it was a good experience.
Lao was a good experience. I've lived in KL for 5 years alone but I've never really traveled to another country completely alone. I always either travel with people or meet people there. I know this might be a bit lame since its something not unusual but it was new to me!!!
I arrive at the airport, I feel relieved. Finally I made it. So now I find that I have to get the visa which of course i already knew about but somehow it slipped my mind that id have to pay for it. Thankfully i had some 100 dollars on me otherwise i don't really know what would have happened. All my cash was in my bank account. would they have accepted a master card? XD haha.
It was 30$ for me, I pass through and find my luggage ready. There was this musician i was eyeing. Cute! Anything walking around with an instrument i would most probably find attractive.
I get outside, I managed to book a hostel during my long layover in transit and wrote down the address, so i thought for a minute that i could just walk and ask around and hopefully find the place, but then i was sort of tired from the long trip and figured id just get a cab.
On the way i manage to have a short chat with the driver, I ask about places to visit in Vientiane and gathered there wasn't much but anyway i already knew. The drive was less than 15 mins, Its a very small place.
I reach the hostel, its not all that but i wasn't expecting much anyway. people were very nice. The owner recognized me, as in they were expecting me and i checked in. I was a little bit worried since this would have been the first time i stay in a mixed hostel and so my original plan was to stay for a day or so then see how it goes.
I put my stuff and i get more concerned because i don't see any girls so i go to the front desk and ask if there are any ladies coming and he laughs for a while then assures me some Koreans will be coming.
Most of the time i spent sitting outside. they had a table with a few chairs around. not much of a view. there was a building being constructed right across and i found it very fascinating that the workers there would play really loud music through speakers while they would work. Never seen this anywhere before and i enjoyed it XD.
I would take the hostel owners guitar and just sit out there strumming. I don't know how to play but there was a day i felt a bit stressed out and i felt much better afterwards. I strum and its beautiful to my ears. It is a wonderful thing. to make music with your own hands. And so I feel that if I own a guitar and i get a chance to learn, I would have the ability to play with so much passion.
Usually sitting outside was also a chance to meet and socialize with people. There were a lot of Koreans and I met about three that would sit outside sometimes and we would chat. Usually we ask questions like were are you from and what are you doing here. half an hour later or so I would find myself promoting the movie "The interview". I've seen it not long ago after all the talk on it died a bit and i found it very entertaining.
I loved the Laotian women traditional wear. It was like a wrap around skirt and i thought it was beautiful. Usually held by a metallic belt (which i thought was an addition, as a trend or so). My observation of Vientiane, is that it gave me the impression that people there were mainly sort of traditional and reserved but as i went out more I noticed maybe not so much but perhaps to some extent they are.
My first day there I met a German guy who introduced me to two Brazilian girls and a Ukrainian guy that were travelling together from India. We also hung out with two German girls and an Australian guy that were travelling together but those people were doing their own thing so we were just together that night for dinner and some drinks and afterwards we went to a pub were we played some board game (the one with mini football players and a ball). I thought it would be boring but man i had so much fun!
I wanted to go to the Buddha park and the Brazilian girls and the Ukrainian guy said they were going and asked me to join so I agreed but turned out they were cycling there and i don't know how to cycle (Face palm!) so I ended up taking the bus. It wasn't that bad, I met a Finnish girl and there was an explosion of clicking! we just bonded right away and it was awesome. We went for dinner afterwards and had a few bears and caught the night market right before it closed. She asked if i wanted to meet up for breakfast or lunch the following day but I was unfortunately leaving early in the morning. Very nice girl although i was the one who initiated the convo. in the start by asking her to take a picture and sending them to me since my phone was dead (proud of myself though). Being more social. All good XD.
I didn't have enough time in Lao. If i did i would have visited more cities but nonetheless, it was a good experience.
Saturday, 30 May 2015
Adventure before Lao
It was just before graduation that Ive decided Id go and come back, original plan was 3-5 days. I decided id do 5 days since the flight ticket was cheaper that way plus I was told accomodation wasnt that expensive either.
Informed my family, booked my ticket and a day before my flight I was with a friend in chinatown, had dinner and creeped around a methodist church that looked very old and turned out to be from the early 1900's. Had interesting windows and what not. Pretty cool. Afterwards decided to come back home and we started drinking, did last minute packing and laid down a bit. My flight was early morning and my alarm rang around 4am---snooze! long story short i was on my way to the airport at about 6am and my flight was at 7.20. by the time I reached there I was told it was already too late. Panicked a little and asked the lady if there were any more flights to Vientiane today and she replies "no, next one would be on the 26th". Thats 2 days later and im supposed to leave latest by 25th, no way! I panick more and i find a quiet spot to try and book another flight with a different airline or something.
12 hours later, I was still in the sirport running around from KLIA2 to KLIA, I was exhausted, and my brain was not responding anymore. I had to go home and figure out what to do.
I arrive at the nearest train station to my home, and guess what...theres a match which means its crazy crowded and you will not get a cab at all. At this point i realised that this day must just pass because im done with it. I had to walk with my luggage for about 15mins then saw a police officer. She was standing in the middle of two roads and i asked her which road had more taxis passing by so that id stand and get one hopefully. The lady must have felt sorry for me, she looked me straight in the eyes and said "wait", she crossed the road to ask her colleague something and then she just pointed to a bus stop across the road, said i can just sit there and id get a cab.
The fact that she tried to help me meant so much to me then. probably on any other day this would have been just something normal but because i was going through what i was going through, that kind gesture (of her actually crossing the road to ask her colleague) brought tears to my eyes. I was in need of help! i needed a break..I just wanted to go home, thats all.
I thanked her from my heart and as i walked to the bus stop, i saw a cab and it stopped. I mentioned my place and asked if he would go, already prepared for another disappointment but he said ok.
I was reliefed. I cried a little in the taxi and it was those deepkind of cries where your throat actually hurts haha. (Quietly)..I broke my own heart.
Went home, sat down on my laptop and immediately managed to book a flight for the next day early evening. cost me more money which sucked and the layover was 12 hours at Hanoi, Vietnam! WTF! Lao is literally, maximum 2.5hours from here but anyway what to do? had to get it anyway.
Next day Im awake early. Ready and prepared, get tthe airport 3 hours earlier and im standing at the check-in line. its my turn and the guy at the counter is actually taking longer than usual so i was a bit worried. It was the last day for my visa and he says i have to go to my country that they wouldnt let me in. This was very weird. How can you force someone to go somewhere?! I mean yea, I need to leave your country, but how can you tell me where to go?! The writing on the visa says "making arrangements to leave the country" but somehow he translates that into "making arrangements to leave to Sudan"?? In my mind I was just like there is no way your making me miss my flight again, so i told him that doesnt make sense because i dont really have family in my country then took out my roesidence card to prove. Silly guy trying me?
He says its not them but just that they are worried immigration wouldnt let me through. So i went, passed through smoothly, boarded my plane and 1-2 hours later arrived at Hanoi. 13-14 hours later im in Laos.
That was stressfull but im glad it passed. what an experience.
Lao experience post coming soon XD
Tuesday, 26 May 2015
Train of thoughts in Lao
It is quite normal for humans to not understand many things in life at times. Sometimes its good to be curious and try to get answers but at other times it may also be a good idea to let things go.
Perhaps I'm saying this right now as a way to convince myself to not ask questions about whats been puzzling me a bit and bothering me recently.
It really felt like a traffic jam in my head, and hopefully letting it out this way may ease it a bit :)
Current mood is not so bad. I definitely feel like I'm in a better state of mind, slightly sort of happy with myself too. I'm doing a good job considering the fact that I'm a painfully shy person, that likes their own space. Also very anti-social and right now I'm doing the complete opposite! Good job for that.
Lao is quite alright, laid back, but not much to do in Vientiane and no time to visit other cities so that sucks a bit but nonetheless, I'm trying to relax and enjoy as much as I can. Maybe I can visit Vang Vieng? its about 4-5hrs by bus. Ill think about that. Need to get my return ticket as well and that's all.
I love the traditional Laos wear. The ladies here wear those wrap around skirts that are then held together by a metallic belt (which seems like a new fashion trend perhaps) but I absolutely love it. Ill go to the night market today and get myself one! Vietnam's traditional clothes also seem awesome. Although I was just in the airport but saw many Vietnamese people wearing it and I think its quite beautiful.
I am happy. But I have my moments whereby I feel really down but I become fine again real quick so that's alright i guess. It doesn't last XD. But the last thing I would want is to somehow be reminded of things.
I get a text msg late at night. He apologizes. Why? has he heard something that he didn't like and felt bad? Is he regretting? I hope not because that would just be sad. Did he speak to his sister and she mentioned that I might be going to Canada while he knows I didn't have plans for that originally so he felt bad and apologized? what is it?!
Let it be....?!
I was asleep and woke up to see it. I was surprised a bit and not in a good way. I felt my eyes water and throughout the day this continued to happen randomly. I break my own heart at times.
"I am sorry." He said, with a full stop! If a person truly and genuinely wants something they make it happen. Come sunshine, come rain. Almost seems like people sometimes crave a sad life.
What exactly are you sorry for I should have asked. Whatever...
I didn't know what to say! OK? Thanks? What...Silence?
But he should know that I don't hold things in my heart and that i wouldn't be holding things in my heart towards him. I thought this was a done deal. I mean it is! We talked briefly a while ago and i had sort of a "this is my goodbye" kind of convo. We were cool. Finish. Why say sorry now out of the blues? Do i look very sad? Pathetic?
Anyway for a split minute, I kind of thought to myself, don't give me that I'm sorry bullshit. It doesn't make sense...
I said Ok and that I was sorry too and a bunch of other things. I feel like sometimes things i say don't really make sense.
Enough with this. I wished him well and made a prayer for him. I never hold things in my heart. An attribute i like but one that sometimes fail me and makes me look ridiculous. Almost like a person that has no personality? weak? but i know that is not it, I just don't see the need to burden myself. for what? i mean unless a person does something really bad to me. like really really bad then maybe. But I'm genuinely just like that! I really have no proper explanation. perhaps by time I find out.
At the end of the day no one is perfect. We are all work in progress.
I hope to write more soon...
Perhaps I'm saying this right now as a way to convince myself to not ask questions about whats been puzzling me a bit and bothering me recently.
It really felt like a traffic jam in my head, and hopefully letting it out this way may ease it a bit :)
Current mood is not so bad. I definitely feel like I'm in a better state of mind, slightly sort of happy with myself too. I'm doing a good job considering the fact that I'm a painfully shy person, that likes their own space. Also very anti-social and right now I'm doing the complete opposite! Good job for that.
Lao is quite alright, laid back, but not much to do in Vientiane and no time to visit other cities so that sucks a bit but nonetheless, I'm trying to relax and enjoy as much as I can. Maybe I can visit Vang Vieng? its about 4-5hrs by bus. Ill think about that. Need to get my return ticket as well and that's all.
I love the traditional Laos wear. The ladies here wear those wrap around skirts that are then held together by a metallic belt (which seems like a new fashion trend perhaps) but I absolutely love it. Ill go to the night market today and get myself one! Vietnam's traditional clothes also seem awesome. Although I was just in the airport but saw many Vietnamese people wearing it and I think its quite beautiful.
I am happy. But I have my moments whereby I feel really down but I become fine again real quick so that's alright i guess. It doesn't last XD. But the last thing I would want is to somehow be reminded of things.
I get a text msg late at night. He apologizes. Why? has he heard something that he didn't like and felt bad? Is he regretting? I hope not because that would just be sad. Did he speak to his sister and she mentioned that I might be going to Canada while he knows I didn't have plans for that originally so he felt bad and apologized? what is it?!
Let it be....?!
I was asleep and woke up to see it. I was surprised a bit and not in a good way. I felt my eyes water and throughout the day this continued to happen randomly. I break my own heart at times.
"I am sorry." He said, with a full stop! If a person truly and genuinely wants something they make it happen. Come sunshine, come rain. Almost seems like people sometimes crave a sad life.
What exactly are you sorry for I should have asked. Whatever...
I didn't know what to say! OK? Thanks? What...Silence?
But he should know that I don't hold things in my heart and that i wouldn't be holding things in my heart towards him. I thought this was a done deal. I mean it is! We talked briefly a while ago and i had sort of a "this is my goodbye" kind of convo. We were cool. Finish. Why say sorry now out of the blues? Do i look very sad? Pathetic?
Anyway for a split minute, I kind of thought to myself, don't give me that I'm sorry bullshit. It doesn't make sense...
I said Ok and that I was sorry too and a bunch of other things. I feel like sometimes things i say don't really make sense.
Enough with this. I wished him well and made a prayer for him. I never hold things in my heart. An attribute i like but one that sometimes fail me and makes me look ridiculous. Almost like a person that has no personality? weak? but i know that is not it, I just don't see the need to burden myself. for what? i mean unless a person does something really bad to me. like really really bad then maybe. But I'm genuinely just like that! I really have no proper explanation. perhaps by time I find out.
At the end of the day no one is perfect. We are all work in progress.
I hope to write more soon...
Tuesday, 7 April 2015
I dont want to state the obvious but my blog has been idle for a while now..this was not what i originally intended, but on a 2nd thought im not sure what my intentions were anymore for this blog..perhaps it was to make myself feel good about doing something new? to try and impress someone? or to really just write my thoughts and nurture my writing skills as a person that likes to keep journals? with that last statement, i realised half way through that i was not really able to express myself truly and honestly online. Im afraid of what people might think...
I recently lost someone that was very dear to me. from the start i thought that it would be fixed and i tried to convince myself things would be fine..they never got better, things just spiraled and i lost myself. ive never felt clueless my life. i always knew what i would be doing in advance and now im not sure what i want anymore. there is no motivation whatsoever, i have no push, im probably at my lowest right now. Ive never been like this before. Im just tired. I think i deserve some good times to come my way. genuine good times.
I need to let go of all negativities and all negative emotions, Just let go and live. Move on. Its painful, sometimes i feel like i cant get out of bed.. If past lives truly existed, I must have done something really bad because this feels like the wrath of god is upon me. But ill stand here. Ill try to stand.
Pain demands to be felt and may the lord have mercy on me and my soul
I recently lost someone that was very dear to me. from the start i thought that it would be fixed and i tried to convince myself things would be fine..they never got better, things just spiraled and i lost myself. ive never felt clueless my life. i always knew what i would be doing in advance and now im not sure what i want anymore. there is no motivation whatsoever, i have no push, im probably at my lowest right now. Ive never been like this before. Im just tired. I think i deserve some good times to come my way. genuine good times.
I need to let go of all negativities and all negative emotions, Just let go and live. Move on. Its painful, sometimes i feel like i cant get out of bed.. If past lives truly existed, I must have done something really bad because this feels like the wrath of god is upon me. But ill stand here. Ill try to stand.
Pain demands to be felt and may the lord have mercy on me and my soul
Sunday, 9 November 2014
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