Alexithymia

I miss him. :). I cant do anything about it. It sucks when you feel like you want something and you cant get it and you cant do anything about it. Generally speaking. This should be rare, special situations. But normally if a person wants something they can always do something about it to get it. In this case, move ooooon! Haha. I have, but I cant help it, sometimes I get really sad and i feel my chest (where my heart is lol) making a strange emotion. wait let me rephrase, I feel a strange emotion in my chest area. it could be the ciggs im smoking though :,).

We talked about everything except the space between us. -Kevin Barry. (Random quote I felt connected to. Shut up Sumaya)

I honestly think im a really cool person. This is a weird post but its my blog and i can be as weird as I want and write whatever bullshit i want to write. doesnt matter.

I feel like recently I talk alot. About random things. Its like im trying to make it all about me which sucks. It really does. and i think this happens uncosciously. It could make people not want to hang out with me :/. Especially if its a person that I met not long ago. Potential friends etc. I could be having a convo. with someone and Id be the only one talking for a long time and its boring.

Yesterday I went to a place called Merdekarya. This place is AWESOMENESS. honestly, my kind o place. the entire setting, to how hidden it was (you literally have to access the entrance through a wooden door in a narrow tiny alley on the back. Everything in there was either made by the owners, picked up from the street or IKEA. No entrance fee, just buy a drank! very chill and hidden.

We enter and theres a bunch of people seated listening to a band playing. The place was not very big so you feel the music surrounding you. We sat in a couch by the clearly hand-made stage were the band was playing. so much emotions. I love the place because they support freedom of speech and opinions. Artists that gig there sing about anything and everything they would like no boundaries. The walls were filled with art and a curtain separates the main place where the stage is and another living room kind of thing. they have a few couched there and a library where they sell mainly local authors books and Musicians c.d's. We went there for a quick smoke, I used the toilet and we went back. This time the couch was occupied so we sat on the floor by the stage. another 2 bands performed then we finally left.

I think id go there again for sure! its almost like a place where one could hang out in during the week. maybe once or twice. something like that. Good vibes, wonderful energy. Excellent Merdekarya. Where were you my entire life! XP

Went home briefly then took a walk to explore a park nearby my new place. It was beautiful but i was a bit high and conused for some reason. We ended up sitting at a bench and when I looked around there was a toilet infront of us. we looked suspicious or then again maybe i was just high.

Im trying to be more productive so I contacted a photographer slash muay thai intsructor slash life and spirituality teacher? kind of thing, and asked if i could help around. I think we might just end up hanging out once or twice and chatting about life and what not, thats it. although id like to learn a thing or two. Anything. Seriously. Teach me!!!

I have a lot of love to give, and so i think i should teach for some time or volunteer. Work with kids. Lets try?

"Passion is the bridge that takes you from pain to change"- Frida Khalo.

I was just going through my facebook feed and I saw the above quote. Its perfect :). I have alot of passion, just need to find the right thing for me! ;D

So anyway, Im done with myrant for today :I feel better :). Bye

If you want to be happy, be -Leo Tolstoy