Tuesday, 7 July 2015

Lost Frequencies

It is a great thing to have someone or some people that you feel comfortable with and at ease when around. Because no matter what, they will still like you and care about you:). But.. What if i don't want to be liked (by certain people of course)? What if I want to be admired, thought of as different, unique, adored :). Too much maybe, I guess being liked is not so bad. Be grateful? lol.

"I admire people who choose to shine even after all the storms they have been through." -Unknown

I feel like I need something to focus on. Something I enjoy. I mean I enjoy this, but i need to do more things with my hands.. Denys gave me his camera to try and shoot today, I loved it. Its a good way of expressing someones artistry. Good medium i mean. Its interesting, You see people take random shots of things sometimes, and its amazing how a person can then see what they see and how they see it. The entire process i can imagine is fun. Id also imagine myself going on long trips, and taking pictures, then the editing comes, and i think everyone loves to edit, like how we edit our pictures and then post them on Instagram or Facebook and hey i like that too but i really also have an unexplained fascination with colors. I guess i don't express or let it out enough so its just there but yea.

"I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough it'll make sense." -Ray Bradbury

I'm very optimistic about almost everything. Random (I'm looking at pictures of me we took today and that Bruno Mars song that i used to like but not anymore come on "Just the way you are". He says you're amazing just the way you are, I am! tehehe. I think I'm falling in love with myself. I like her. I'm starting to. And this could be categorized as vainess, but I'm not. Its not, This is not. And i think its important for a person to love themselves. Its important because if you don't, you will never meet your kind of people in this world... And i need to meet my people, I'm already meeting them. But there's more to come :). I'm so happy. Right now. Thats all that matters isn't it...

"Love what you love. Nothing else really matters." -Christopher Poindexter

My best friend was standing behind me, she probably didn't know this paragraph is going to be about her, unless she sees my blog. (If you do, Hi Razan!). She is leaving after tomorrow. Tuesday, just for 3 weeks and coming back. Thing is I'm at a point in my life whereby i really don't know whats going to happen by then. Basically, again, everything will be decided or would be clearer by this coming week. I might not see her again. Ever. Because we don't know how life is sometimes, and sometimes life is like that. You meet, you love, you live, you separate? I might see her again. Regardless, our bond is unbreakable. I never really mentioned her here, but she was one of the first people I met when i first came here. We arrived literally days apart, and we happened to have a similar background in the slightest way possible but enough similarity to be mentioned here. I never liked her, because i stereotyped her. And the kind of stereotype i categorized her under was enough for me to assume and confirm she would not be my type. so my friends would ask her to come over and id curse them secretly, and I just really didn't like her. I was wrong. This is a lesson, and there is a morale in this short story, never judge! never assume! never underestimate! never stereotype!! never stereotype!

Today, we are still friends. 5 years and still more to come because the sit we've seen together is too much to let her go. After my recent bad experience, i was not able to talk to any one. On my birthday, I was out with her, by the end of the night i was pressed, we walked to the toilet where I collapsed. I think that was the day i opened up to her fully about my issue. She hugged me and let me have my space for a while.She was there for me, and she understood, without saying much.

"There is only one success. To be able to spend your life in your own way." -Christopher Morley

 We both have our own lives now, our own goals and everything. We are not those typical girl friends. Well to some extent yes, but its even better. We never used to always be together. We don't always talk. Only when we miss each other she would call me because she has those free stuff (idk how to explain, anyway) and id go see her sometimes. But regardless, I knew she was always there, and it gave me some comfort to know she is around and she feels the same way. To know she is there, meaning literally in the same country as me was just comforting ;') and I tell her that. But how will it be now? We both of course used to go on holidays to visit our families before, but its different now, now that i finished and I'm not really sure if i live here or not anymore, its different. I might not see her again. And I might :)

I cried a little and she gave me a lollipop. Such an asshole. I told her i might not see her again, she said we always say we might not, but we are meant to be hahaha. We had a hashtag battle today on a pic she posted, it was hilarious. Like we were 16 years old haha.

Its a new chapter. Whatever it is, it will be fine. right? It will :).

I want to embrace myself more, let go more, be more enthusiastic about things, because what i recall of myself 5 years ago, I was almost like a dead person, but I was I young, but thats the problem! How can you be so young and lifeless! I was dealing with things older than me. way way older. situations.

"I am not an angel; I asserted; and I will not be one till I die; I will be myself." -Charlotte Bronte

I want to enjoy my life in the simplest ways possible. Sit in beautiful places, visit, travel, see things and people, and amazing situations to be experienced that i can talk about and write about. I'm not perfect, who is? its alright. Love yourself and in return you will meet love itself in many forms. People, places, experiences. I see my life going that way :)

I need to focus on getting out of my parents hair. I mean its bugging me a little but that makes me feel good; that I'm annoyed about still living under my parents expenses because that means I'm not comfortable which also means I'm aware its not alright. Its not normal but i guess its alright that they're helping me out a little since i just graduated and its a bit hard meaning it takes time. wait, its not hard, nothing is, that's not the right word, its a challenge. So, that's the first step and I have a feeling ill soon be fully independent MUAHAHAHA!

"You come and the time slips away in a dream. It is only when you go that I realize completely your presence. And then it is too late." -Henry Miller

Was looking through John Lennon and Yoko's pictures. I would like to recreate them with someone I like. Their faces. The expressions you could see when looking at the picture. It was everything. So i would like to do some more reading about them, and listen to more of their music perhaps.

Was supposed to Skype with nuhnuh. We cancelled, every time we set a time or date something happens. I know we will talk soon and we have a lot to tell each other. One of my dearest people. I love her. She said first time her and Amina heard my voice in class, they loved it :'). Strange story but that's what they told me! They loved my voice hahaha not my personality or character or any of the things that really matter just my voice. I don't know maybe because I'm a smoker, I have this strange thing in my voice. Obviously smoking does something to the voice sometimes i guess. Man I should quit. Was telling Denys the other day that when I was in Lao I tried an amazing cigg. a Korean guy gave me. It was normal at first then it has 2 capsules inside whereby you can click and it changes flavors. So get this, first capsule is mint, and second one is GRAPES! WTF!! so I was telling him that if i get a hold of those cigarettes, That would exactly be when i wouldn't quit. Haah. They're a Mevius brand i guess, and the guy told me they're from Japan but yesterday i saw a lady here smoking them.

"She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul." -F. Scott Fitzgerald

Anyway, back to my story, So Nuhnuh and Amina are wonderful people but I was drawn more to Nuha, and so we became really good friends. Thing here is that she is seriously and literally a Genius. We were classmates and she was super smart! Super smart as in first class honors. And in school, I wasn't really dumb either but I'm not that smart lets not kid ourselves. I was a second upper class honors, so just there. An alright person. Good. So we weren't exactly like each other and that's always the case with people that i really click with! we are normally different, but there were things where we perhaps were able to relate on with each other. maybe some of our ambitions and passions in life. A little. So we normally talk for hours. Every Friday (sometimes we would skip a week or so, depending on our schedules and assignments, tests etc) we would go to a coffee shop nearby my place and just sit there. It was called King of sheesha, so obviously they had sheesha. we were both new to it but she loved it more than I did. We would smoke, and the interesting part would be picking a flavor, so every time we get a new one :'). Then we order Juice, and they had amazing ones, fresh and so big! Only for 5 Rm. (They closed down after she left and when she cane back for graduation we passed by and they were closed, I told her it was because they knew she was leaving haha). It was good. Then our sleepovers and green tea before bed, also we worked in the library together so we shared that stress haha. She has so much potential and I'm there to motivate. Wonderful girl :).

The other day, I was speaking to Rocky and i don't exactly remember what we were talking about or what exactly led him to tell me this but he said "Everyone deserves or needs a different kind of love". Meaning every one is unique and needs to be accepted and loved for who they are, in a nutshell.

I thought that was a very interesting perspective. Its true :).


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