Discursive

Where is my mama? she doesn't want to talk to me :( Shes probably pissed because we had a misunderstanding. She is such a sensitive human being. That is my conclusion. But whenever this happens i explain my actions and then next day or 2 we would resume our normal chitchats.

Currently I am tired. I feel tired. Think I've had a long weekend. Well it did feel long...

On Thursday boss says I dont have to come to work on Friday, so basically my weekend started since then. Friday night I was invited out by Ivana to join her and her friends that were travelling and happened to be passing by KL. So around 9pm, I was on my way to her place where she came down to get me. Her friends had gone out and were on their way back. In the mean time we just chilled in her apartment and had a few drinks while listening to music and smoking a few ciggs. in the toilet.


"Some feelings don't go away, they just get avoided." -Unknown


Their taste of music was interesting. I mean i like it. Sort of like the new hiphop style, but i was surprised to find out that Germans or Europeans would be into that! im so ignorant. it was nice though. We had a few laughs and what not, her friends joined shortly, they had dinner and we just hung out till everyone was ready and we were on our way.

Went to Changkat, Havanna..ofcourse ;P then a place called Elixir. After that got into a cab and it was around 1-ish? and at that point i thought we were going home but to my surprise they said ZOUK! yay. This was my first time in Zouk. Heard alot about it because, yes its quite famous among party people here and all that jazz, but never been there because it was either i was under age or my age was fine but i was with under age people. haha


"Like a person because they are worthy, not because you are lonely." -Papaya


So you see, I just did a quote. Lie! HAHA I slightly played around with the words of a cheesy quote from an unkown author. There are some advances in the heart region over here. I feel its becoming stronger. In a good way, for me.

So finally I made it there. Ivana, turns out didnt really like the kind of music they were playing there, I think rootz would be great for her. I like it. Anyuway one of her friends was actually alright with it and im alright with what seems like almost all kinds of music. Ofcourse i wouldnt wana be hearing like Indian music or stuff like that. Im not ok with that. I dont ever want to go to a club with Indian music. I dont like it. its not fun for me.. Been to a place like that before and I didnt really enjoy. so yea im fine with anything just dont play that hahaha or oldies music. 90's music. dont do that. but i guess it also depends on the mood. if im going to just be seated then  fine, but if im going with the mentality of maybe dancing then no!

Anyway Zouk. Was interesting. very crowded. Chinese people everywhere. I swear they love to drink and party! They are everywhere! Good for them though :) I mean if it makes them happy! None of my business anyway. They had like mini different parties in there with different music. very cool. Its like a maze in there. very easy to get lost!


"You deserve someone who knows how to make things up again after making you feel bad.Not someone who's very good with just the word, 'Sorry'". -Unknown


First of all I feel the need to explain to myself that the above quote is extremely cheesy. Yes it is. But its nice in a weird way. Different perspective and I like different perspectives. Generally I am very welcoming of different perspectives. They entertain me and expand my thinking box. So i like it.

But there are some things i need to point out in the quote. Why you gotta go through all that!! haha. Why let someone make you feel bad in the first place??!!! You deserve someone that knows how to make things up again...Wait, Stop. You deserve someone that doesn't even have to make things up again. Hello! But regardless its not so bad. I mean lets be realistic, people will always manage to fuck up somehow, Its true because one can never find someone that has everything exactly the way they want them to be. So just cut it short and learn to accept people. Love them, make them feel good about themselves, and if they have flaws? kiss them :) Just kidding but no kiss them. No seriously, if they have flaws? Highlight their good stuff and help them overcome, improve if they want. I mean if they are serious detrimental flaws or whatever...

Speaking of which, I realised recently, That I really hate it when someone makes me feel bad about myself. I mean obviously its not something anyone would like but i wont let it pass. Not any more, especially if we are 'friends'. It will makle me think. If they are right, then fine things can be worked out and adjusted but to make me feel bad about mysself and make me feel like 'oh its just sumaya nevermind'? Are you mad!!!?? Then you dont have a place in my life as well. If you ever feel liuke you could contsantly postpone on me, and make excuses, because i will understand and it will reach a point whereby it will get to me, and i will feel bad about myself. This has no place i n my life anymore. I do not entertain such noinsense. I dont need som eone to make me feel bad, I can feel bad about myself all alone. I canm feel bad about myself by myeself. I dont need or want someone to do so or help me do so. You think you have something better to do? No problem at all :) Good-bye.

Anyway my feet were killing me. Luckily I had some flats in my bag and I just smoothly changed my shoes. The girl was impressed haha. High heel problems!


"I wish I knew how to make you want to be with me forever." -Unknown


So ma'am/sir, I have news for you. You are with the wrong person! Please stop this nonsense and get busy. looking for the right person if its bothering you too much.

I was feeling a bit awkward because Ivana is my boss and I had to sort of hold back but she is very cool. coolest boss EVER! and im the luckiest. I'm getting spoiled too much. I must do well. I should repay her for her kindness by taking this job very seriously. And I love it so it shouldn't be an issue at all :)

Im so grateful. Its amazing. Im amazed. Im in awe. Thanks..

Saturday I met Patrick, He made me realize, well actually just confirmed not made me realize, that im a sapiosexual. That is, to be attracted to intelligence or someones mind. I already know this about myself. And my ex is a proof. I just love a man that knows his sh&%. Also being a bad boy and a smart ass? I'm dead. But no, we shouldn't limit ourselves, or what we think we like or we don't. its not right..


"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." -Hunter S. Thompson


" – For the record, I don’t agree with this statement, I do though understand the sentiment behind it. At some point in life we get caught up in the day to day and complain about a lack of ambition or inspiration. Falling into a routine can limit creativity and ultimately hurt the work of a writer. While Thompson suggestion is one method, an alternative could easily be adding in changes to your set routine. Take a different route to work, go the gym later or earlier, experience art that you’re not familiar with. Basically, live life to the fullest." (http://wordables.com/5-quotes-by-hunter-s-thompson-only-writers-will-understand/)

I was just recently and briefly reading about this guy and Im very intrigued. Seems like he was a very passionate mister with a wild mind! Very Interesting and I totally agree with the writers explanation and point of view on the quote.

Moving on... So Patrick was an interesting character. He is currently pursuing his masters in Canada but came here to intern for an NGO in Penang. Ge this, he studies sustainable management. Was speaking to Nuha today and she goes like where was he in our final year? haha. My final year project was on sustainability and he would have actually helped me a lot, or just made things much easier for me. but its alright, It worked out well regardless. He has a huge tattoo on his arm with the recycling icon. So nice! He is actually almost like a hard core environmentalist. I dig, but sort of difficult but i dig. Haha


"Close some doors today, Not because of pride, incapacity, or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere." -Paulo Coelho


Paulo Coelho MY MAAAAAN!

So that was my Saturday. Sunday was just a chill day. I TRIED to do some work, but honestly my laptop is making me flip!! Its so annoying, I cant do much with it. 1. Can t move it around. 2. its very slow. So i whatsapp-ed Denys asking if he could come help me do something to try and speed it up. Then as if my boss magically sensed my struggle. She whatsapps me shortly afterwards to tell me they might buy me a new laptop next week. They're awesome. Of course it would be company property but doesn't matter id be using it, so that should be good.

This thing is just holding me back, I need something a bit faster and i personally really cant afford anything now. Maybe next month id fix this one properly or see if I could try and buy another one. Even a lightly used 2nd hand one wouldn't be too bad.


"It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply." -David Jones


I can relate.

Its Tuesday. And then as i wrote "its Tuesday" that Drake and the mckonan guys (is that how u spell the name?) song came to my head. No we are not clubbing though, just home feeling gloomy and broke -_-. hahah

Im tired of running around embassies, this better be worth it. Anyway funniest situation ever happens today. Funny and just awkward. Im at the Singaporean VAC submitting documents to process my visa so of course they're going through the papers and all that. then they take a look at the invitation letter Ishpal sent us and they tell me the handwriting of the first part is different from the second. So she goes on to say that if I insist on giving it that way, they don't mind but they advice me that I should ask the sender to re-write it by himself.

Now, i had only one hour remaining and i really cant go all the way back there again so I asked her to wait so I go on to call Ivana. And we both laugh awkwardly and she says let me check with him and ill call you back.


"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time." -Mark Twain


So shortly afterwards she calls back and says that he said he wrote it on his own. Now I really cant argue because Ivana is my boss (managing partner) and Ishpal is also one of the partners of the company so if they tell me its written by him then its written by him! Are we going to tell him he's lying? And honestly even asking them to re-send it to me again was already awkward enough so i just quickly explained to her what happened and told her that id just tell them that he says its him! and that if theres anything they should call him.

While I was seated outside waiting for Ivana's call, I had a little chat with the guard. He told me one of his sons was doing his PHD and is now a lecturer in one of the universities in SG. We were talking about how expensive it is there and he says that if you work there its actually not so bad because you also get paid well. So high salary and high living expenses sort of balance each other out. He then told me that his son gets paid 40K+ per month. Sing. Dollar. And I was thinking, If i get paid that amount of money, why would i let my dad work so hard? Of course the man could be bluffing, but i chose to give him the benefit of a doubt. Weird son.

I need a back up place to go to but I really would prefer if I could see somewhere else also other than Lao! Lets see :)


"Forever is composed of nows." -Emily Dickson


I need to come up with loyalty program ideas for a cafe shop. Memership cards/food and drink. I havent researched anything yet but I already have 2 ideas from talking to friends. Lazy? or just trying to research in a different way? let me be nice to myself and say the latter is on point! ;)

Its become an old story, but I still miss you. I miss you so much and I realise how much I do, when I start thinking about it. And it scares me. So I have no option but to try and not remember you, and ive gotten better at it. I want you to be happy but I hope you never forget me. Was it that simple.. This is a question and id love to know its answer. But it doesnt matter does it? It doesnt. Its just that, I was too attached to you. I thought you were a constant. The thought of ever losing you used to bring tears to my eyes even when u were beside me. Literally. And I used to tell you, I remember. You'd say you're not going anywhere :) Now your not here. Im happy, regardless, but sometimes when I close my eyes, I still remember your face, how you talked, your voice, your laugh. I just miss you and I can never tell you. I hope you are happy, Because I am. I am grateful for all thats going on, I am thankful. So you see, Its very weird. Different. I know how it feels to lose someone dear to you to death. Its the same. Same situation I guess. Im being too dark right now and i dont even like this topic but im editing my post now so yahh. Moving on!!


"But what minutes! Count them by sensation, and not by calendars, and each moment is a day. -Benjamin Disraeli

I was out with Ivana again yesterday. Less awkward this time around. Im having fuuuun!! :D and being too spoiled haha. We sort of clarified things yesterday, we can be friends and already are but when its business time we will not joke around. and thats how its been. Business is business, and I told her that I am willing to leaaaarn! Im open and i am willing. I am trying and I told her I wont take it personal if she just speaks her mind to me. Id prefer it that way actually. Im just starting my career and ofcourse im not a pro at anything yet! I will make mistakes and i will want to be corrected and all that sort of things. So she totally understood and also told me that she is that way anyway. So we have a good understanding. She is a great woman, Beautiful, smart, brilliant, intelligent, hardworking, focused, diterminant, and just alot of awesome things. Good company! Cheers. Im looking forward and I will push myself and do my part :) Happily. Such a lovely person. I admire her. Can I be youuu? I said. HAHAHA, jokes :)


"She always that had about her, that look of otherness, of eyes that see things much too far, and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world." -Joanne Harris 


We are travelling together soon, for my visa. Short trip but will be fun. Yesterday we met with some other guys from San Fran. Interesting lot, but they went to eat then went home to sleep meanwhile we decided to party on. I mixed so much. Note to self: Never do that again. That much. hahaha but all was good, except for the exhaustion today was unbelievable ofcourse. I woke up like whats going on? Whats happening? what am I supposed to be doing? lol Basically I was wasteeed and needed to chill. Thing is im always chilling. No not really but ima start being more and more active. Thinking of gyming 3-4 times a week? get back to my old track. Should be good for me if i do so. Good for my creativity also maybe.

I keep on forgetting. Today I was standing outside 1 utama's new wing waiting for a taxi. I already thought the taxi i took previously would be around because i asked him to wait for me. there was a line of 2 other taxi's so I asked the first guy and he says 10RM. my response..Why? So he just said because like that lol. No reason. I gave him a bad look and decided to look around for another because no way on earth was i going to give you 10rm for a ride i know costs less than 5. no waaay! I could even walk but the sun was too hot and i was thirsty. So the 2nd guy i asked, they seemed like friends because they were talking to each other and he says same price. At this point i was just wondering, like why you tryna cheat me?> dont you want work? why are you driving? waw. So my response was the same and he then explained that if they go there they wont get customers coming back. Not my problem!! 


" We need women who are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free." -Kavita Ramdas


Anyway so I said 10rm is too much. Ridiculous, and as i said that I happened to turn around. Now the man took offense, and decided to make it a fight. sort of like a conversation but an angry one. So i was sort of intrigued. Like what are you even wanting to argue about? it is ridiculous! We both know it, anyone that hears the story would know it. What do you want to talk about. so I fixed my posture, because remember i was turning around and getting ready to walk away, so i get closer and i had this smirk on my face like ok what do you want to say, no problem. I understood the man just wanted to talk. Out loud! haha. and he was clearly friends of the guy i gave the nasty look to earlier so fine no problem bring it on. I heard him but not really heard him, then said i could actually walk, its not far distance, 10rm is just too much. so he says "Then walk!." Seriously bro. what was ur problem. I just shrugged my shoulders and i turn around to go inside the mall to the old wing where i could find other taxi's and as i turn around, people were actually staring. A guy that seemed like he's been watching the entire thing raised his eyebrows like what was that? haha. Exactly. I was right. Ridiculous. They were, the prices they both gave me were, and the conversation was. Stupid people wasting my time -_-. Moving on! hhaha


"Tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway." Unknown


:)

Good vibes, and positivity all the way and all around me.


Xx